WHERE IT FALLS

I am trying to get in a better habbit of reading the Bible. I looked at christianity.com today, logged on and saw where I had started reading almost a year ago. The web site has the "read the bible in a year" option. I was pretty devoted for a little while, then I noticed how big of a gap there was between the time I had logged in and read.
So here I am, one year later, and trying to get started again. I was reading in Luke chapter 8. Thats the chapter where Mary magdelene follows Jesus with the 12 and Jesus gives the parable of the sown seeds. I got to thinking about which seed best represented me. Was I the seed on the side of the road that never took root at all? Was I the seed on the rocky soil who took quick but fizzled out even quicker? Was I the seed that fell in the thorns that got choked out by what I was surrounded by? We always want to be the seed in the good soil that grows strong and with good roots, but was I that one?
Its true what people say about the things you get involved in. The places you go, who you go with and what you do when you are there can and will have a lasting effect on you. I think I was the seed in the thorns. I say that because shortly after my salvation experience, trials, doubts and fears cluttered my heart and mind. I fought for a while, I prayed every day, spent my lunch hours in the prayer room at my church, but eventually I gave up. I quit praying, I almost quit believing. I questioned God and doubted God. I got mad at myself and at the devil because no matter how many doubts I had with God, I blamed everything on satan. I had given up. for a long time I just moped through life. I was not living the way I should have, I had no drive or ambition, I wanted to just quit.
I don't say all of that to get people to feel sorry for me. That time is over. I did that already, and it didn't do me any good. I say that because I know where I was. I know where I am. And I know where I want to be. Realizing that I was a seed among thorns, was the first step. Now I have to let Jesus remove the thorns. That is hard to do. Some of those thorns might be friends or hobbies, or addictions. My plans may change completely.
Somebody very important to me told me a long time ago that God had plans for my life. I have often wondered since then if those plans included me in the ministry, mission field, or if I was just supposed to be ready for whatever. I would love for God to wrap a righteous baseball bat around my head and say, "THIS IS IT". Its not the end of the world that my seeds fell in the thorns, just as long as I let Jesus work and remove the thorns.