Carousel

Have you ever been to the fair? You know how, at least here, the fair is kind of sketchy looking. You walk around a see all the rides that have been assembled and disassembled hundreds of times. You see the food stands that are about as clean as a stadium bathroom. Even though I have been and enjoyed myself dozens of times; looking back, it was a pretty nasty place. But I always thought the carousel was awesome. It wasn't the most fun thing in the park to ride or the most exciting, but as a kid it offered something to me that was appealing.

I have loved horses since the first time seeing The Man From Snowy River when I was young. I remember pretending I was Jim Craig, popping my bull whip and humming the theme song while I played. Now, I know the carousel is nothing like being on a real horse and and chasing wild brumbies through the mountains, but I would pretend to. And to be honest, the pretending didn't last long because, no matter how hard I tried, those plastic horses were never going to break loose and take off through the fair grounds.

Isn't that kind of like us as adults. There are things we dream of doing, but we opt for the carousels life offers us instead. When I was in college I had a possible opportunity to work in New Mexico and in the Keys. Instead of doing it, I let things here at home talk me out of going. I kick myself all the time for not taking those chances and experiencing that. I could have actually lived out the dream I had as a kid.

Its kind of like that in our faith too. God offers us abundant life. He tells us to seek Him and his kingdom and He will bless us. He says seek, knock and ask. He tells us to abide in Him and be blessed. He tells us that we can do all things through Him. God offers us the chance to charge down that stage after wild brumbies, or whatever dream you might have had once. It may not be literally on horseback but it can be every bit as exciting.

Bye For Now

Granny,
I have never written you a letter before. You have always been a phone call away. But, now you are where I can't call and talk to you, or bring something by the house for you. I have so many wonderful memories and not even one bad one. You basically raised me until I started kindergarten, and even after I would play sick so I could come and stay with you. I will never forget all the cornbread, chocolate milk, cheese and pickles you always had ready for me at all times. I will never forget you letting me go outside and crank that huge Cadillac so it could warm up. I will never forget you letting me beat the crap out of that old piece of junk bean bag. I will never forget you running down the driveway when I tried to drive granddaddy's car. I will never forget the time I broke my arm in your neighbors yard and you coming to take care of me. I will never forget you fixing me glasses of water while I cut the grass. I will never forget you scratching my back until I fell asleep. I will never forget the 29 years you put up with me.

Now you are gone. But I am not as sad as I thought I would be. I think it bothered me more to watch you struggle and fight the devils attack on your body. Don't get me wrong, I miss you a whole lot, but I will see you again someday. I hope things are everything you expected them to be in heaven. The streets of gold, the singing, the pearly gates, I hope they are more amazing than you imagined. I just wish I had an ounce of your faith. I wish we all did.

Don't worry about grandaddy. We will watch after him. He will get his health back and start driving again. We will keep him busy. Dad and Steve are OK too, so are mom, Mandi, and Trish. We will all be OK. I am sorry you had to go through all of that. I am sorry you had to get sick and not be able to do the things you were used to doing.

I love you and I will miss you, but I will see you again someday. Tell everybody I said hi and tell Jesus I am trying.

Love always,
Nathan

Who will fall?

I was reading in an on-line devotional today about falling away from the Lord. One of the biggest struggles I have is spending serious time with God on a daily basis. The bible says in Timothy that in the last days people will turn from the Lord and what they believe, and they will follow the teachings of demons. To me that says that the devil will use whatever means necessary to attract and confuse even believers to drag them away from the Father. That concerns me and I hope it concerns everyone who reads it.

I have a friend, who I will not name, who has turned from the faith. This friend was once a very serious Christian, one that played a large part in a lot of peoples lives. I had lost track of this person for a while then he/she turned up out of nowhere. I found out that my friend was not a believer anymore. The world and all of its confusion dragged this friend down and away from God.

Now if the devil can drag this person away from God, he can do it to anyone. This is the scary part to me. My friend was strong in the faith at one time. Daily quiet times and prayer were more than common. Yet, the devil won my friend over.

I read last night in John that if we abide in Him he will abide in us. If we do not, we won't bear fruit and will be discarded like dead branches and burned in the fire. If we do abide in Him, we will be pruned to produce more fruit. To abide in the Lord we HAVE to spend time with Him.

Its amazing to me though, how the devil works. When I start praying and reading, the devil comes full head with things to beat me with. I try to resist for a while but I lose. I don't allow God to fight for me like he promises he will. Its at this point when the things of the world start to look appealing. I use to find comfort in people. People are weak. I should know that if I am weak without God, then the people I try to find comfort in will be weak too. I also have tried to go back to my old ways. No church, no prayer, just do whatever I want to do. All of these things are very short lived in satisfying me.

So, that can only mean one thing. I have to find comfort and peace in God. The sad part is, I have wasted so much time and resources in the time it has taken to realize this.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aNU-K5NLPSw

Numb

I've got something on my mind this morning. Last night at church, we talked about the condition of the world today in comparison to biblical times. We discussed which sins were still an issue, which are just today, and which were just back then. The list of sin was your normal list; drinking, sex, worshiping idols, things like that. There were a few less severe ones mentioned but those were the basic few. But what is "serious" sin?

The problem I have is this. We like to point out serious sin. We think, just because we don't get drunk, have sex, or murder, that we are living an ok life and Jesus should be proud of us. How wrong is that? I am definitely not pointing my finger at anyone. I fall short everyday. But what we have to realize is that we can't point at other peoples' sin if we don't see our own first.

I watched a movie the other day that I am sure was not bringing glory to God. I talked bad about a group of people and I know God didn't like that. Every person who breathes will at one time or another mess up and sin. Just because it is not a sin that we as humans consider bad doesn't mean that God dislikes it any less. The most kind and generous person sins. The worst sinner alive also deserves redemption. Those people have to depend on us to see God. We are the ones who spread the Gospel of Jesus. We are the ones who are supposed to love all people like Jesus loved us. But instead we avoid people with questionable life styles and sinful habits. We talk bad about them and tell everyone they don't need to have anything to do with these kinds of people.

I am not perfect but I do love God. I hate it when I mess up. I want to be close to Him so I will mess up less and less. I will be the first to admit how much work I have to do to get closer to the life God intends for us. I am not saying that we need to compromise what we believe and put ourselves in the position to sin by hanging out with a rough crowd. But we cannot just shun these people because God loves them too. And we definitely can't assume that we are any better than them, we are just fortunate to already have Jesus. Now we have to share Him with them.

For the Record

I didn't start blogging to get on here and whine about every little thing that goes on. I actually just want to try my hand at writing. I have always been kind of creative. I draw some, take pictures (you can hire me to take pictures too!!!), play music and sing. I have just always been in a real bad habit of thinking something that might be cool or helpful and then immediately forgetting all about it.

I got a DVD for Christmas about Mark Tremonti. He is a phenomenal guitarist and song writer for Alter Bridge. He has hundreds of thousands of dollars in equipment, but his most important is a little, cheep, tape recorder. He records every personal practise session because he will forget a new lick if he doesn't. That's kind of like this blog. I think about stuff and just write it down. Maybe to get a response of advice or to help someone with a similar situation.

I do like talking about God. He is an amazing topic to write and think on. There is no other subject more talked about and argued about than God. Even if people don't agree with me or anyone else who blogs, god can use that to stir a curiosity to the point of acceptance or change. I am no Bible scholar. I read it, not enough, but I do read it. But I like writing about Him. I read a few different devotionals from time to time and think about how cool it would be to get in that good of a relationship with God, to where I can start to write uplifting pieces for people to read.

That's why I don't want to get on here and belly ache to much. Sometimes I need to. Sometimes its necessary. But most of the time, I want to be positive. I want to get back to the old Nathan who tried to always make people laugh and forget about the crappy hand the real world can deal them. My first blog today, that was belly aching. I am alive. I have amazing family and great friends. I have a great church family who will pray for anybody who is going through anything. Bad days suck and seem to be more often than good, but the bad days make the good ones that much better.

Change

I applied for a job last Friday. I know its probably not the best time to be job hunting, but I did it anyway. I have been an employee at Northport Electrical Supply since I was 14 years old. I got my first ever, real paycheck Christmas break 1994. After that, I spent a lot of my summers and school breaks at work. Now I am not saying all day, everyday during the summer, but a lot. I have never known another job. I was employed by my church for a little while but I have never left Northport Elec. I passed up opportunities to do some cool stuff along the way. I missed out on possibly working in the Florida keys, maybe a chance at Philmont, New Mexico, and camp horn. I was asked to work at my church day camp a couple of summers in a row, and turned them down.

It was all about money. "You won't make any money there", "They're not going to pay you as much as we are." A lot of it was my fault. As soon as I graduated from high school, I began to acquire debt. I bought a truck. Then later I got small loans to fix up the trucks or buy stuff I didn't have the money for. To this day I have a bad habit of doing that. I know its bad to get in debt, but I did it anyway. But, I have never known anything else. I have interviewed for maybe three jobs since I graduated college. I didn't want to do shift work, so I didn't go to Mercedes. I didn't have enough experience so I didn't sell for WVUA. The other was a scam, work from home kind of thing. Nothing has ever changed.

My sister and I are very different in this area. Where I am one to get comfortable and just do whatever, she won't settle for that. I hold her in high regard for this. I am not saying she has jumped from job to job, that is not it at all. She branched out. She didn't take the easy road. She didn't let anybody talk her out of doing what she wanted to do. She has spent a summer in Thailand, live in Panama City a couple of summers, she has been to some cool places just because she wanted to. What I am afraid of is not being jobless or homeless, my parents will never let that happen and neither will I. I am afraid of regretting most of life. I don't want to be 65, looking back on my life saying I wish I had done this or that.

So I guess pray for me. I know a lot of people already do and have been for a long time. I haven't ruled out what God wants me to do, though sometimes it seems like I have. I know I have to seek Him first and then do what He says. I guess I have just grown weary of waiting. That sounds bad and I have confessed and asked for help already, but its hard. I would love for God to come and sit with me for a while. I would love for Him to tell me what He has liked and disliked about my choices and my life. But, I know He isn't going to do that. Or maybe He is trying but I am avoiding it. Maybe I am scared of what he wants from me. Or maybe I am scared to just do what he wants because it will pluck me out of what is already comfortable.